Yesterday, I went to work; I was falling down the rabbit hole of editing when all of a sudden I heard my coworker starting to present the whole crew to out new member. Both of them were suddenly in front of my dest when he said: ” Meet our photographer. ” I didn’t even blinked! After a cold handshake that came from me since my fingers were trembling and being blue from cold, I set down and continued working.
Later that day, Ziga had a meeting, and I had a few moments to myself, so I went to a coffee shop and ordered myself a cup of oreo hot chocolate! I swear I have never drunk better hot chocolate in my life! Maybe it’s also because my stomach was craving food and the warmth of it just filled my belly touching every corner of it.
I was sitting all by myself, and then as per usual I started over thinking and analyzing the day that passed by me so quickly that I hadn’t had time even to blink.
I remembered how my coworker presented me and for some reason my heart stopped. You see when he said those words I didn’t blink because I can barely believe it now. But when those words sunk in, my heart started beating like crazy!
I would never in my wildest dreams thought someone would one day actually presented me as a photographer. Getting a full-time job as one was always beyond my imagination.
People are now asking me how come I’m not doing what I studied for, and I’m like dude, I’ve studied photography since the beginning of everything!! I just didn’t go to college for it, but that doesn’t make me any lesser of a photographer. There are so many things to learn about photography, and that’s one of the reasons I never really gave up on it! You’re constantly learning and developing as a person. You meet new people get out of your comfort zone because meeting new people was the most stressful part of my life. I’m having an anxiety attack whenever I have to go to the event and stand there awkwardly in the corner catching weird looks that are pointed at me like arrows.
I don’t know when and why my anxiety attacks started, but I really struggle ith social anxiety, always worrying about what people are thinking about me and that’s not comforting at all! Photography kind of helps me with that since I have to meet new people, go to places and take photos of them of course! You can’t always take photos of just one person. Well, you can, but you will not develop.
To be honest, as I grow my career in business, I don’t have as much time as I had before my job. That’s why I’m lacking on creating my own content for the blog and my photography portfolio. I hope when all this simmers down just a tiny bit, I will be posting more.
But in spite of it, I’m so proud of myself; God damn I am!